This article by Carolyn Seamans originally appeared in Church Life, as well as the April issue of Presbytery Connector. It appears here with her permission.
On Saturday, January 26, about 40 people representing seven different Christian denominations came to TPPC to attend the Teaching and Listening event. The goal of the event was to learn what churches are doing and talk about what needs to be done to support gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT) individuals and families. We wanted to discuss ways of helping GLBT youth and adults learn that there is a way to a healthy mature life that is supported by the church -- that they too are embraced by God's love, that God wants them to fully flourish and grow into the complete persons God intends them to be, and that their brothers and sisters in Christ continue to love them and support them as GLBT persons. Young people, families, friends, and Christian educators were invited to come and talk about the church's Christian Education mission with respect to homosexuality.
The participants learned a great deal from each other and from the invited speakers and presenters. Michael Adee, a national field organizer from More Light Presbyterians, participated throughout the day as a speaker, motivator, and resource. He contributed a great deal throughout the afternoon, and also led a workshop specifically addressing the issues of youth. Karen Werner, the CE director at Bradley Hills Presbyterian Church, led a workshop on children and families. In that workshop, we saw excerpts of some excellent videos that address various issues, and spoke with a panel about how churches and CE programs can best support GLBT families (i.e. families with GLBT children, parents, or other loved ones). During the opening session of the workshop, we also heard from Carol Morrison, one of the Presbytery's certified youth sexuality educators, about the kinds of programs she offers to kids in Presbyterian churches in the region. Two young people also spoke about their experiences. James Terry, a young transgender person who volunteers with the Sexual Minorities Youth Assistance League (SMYAL) talked about SMYAL and their mission to youth in the DC area. Cedric D., vice president of the Gay/Straight Student Alliance at Montgomery Blair High School, shared with us some of what is happening in his school and among his peers. Chip Aldridge of the United Methodist Church Reconciling Ministries Network also participated in the workshops and provided resources.
The presentations by the various speakers sparked a great deal of discussion, and many people contributed their ideas and experiences. The ultimate goal was to make recommendations and suggestions to congregations and Christian Education programs about how they can best support GLBT individuals, youth, and families, as well as help everyone in their community be better educated and aware of these issues. Below is a summary of some of the main points, but it only begins to capture the depth and breadth of the day's conversations.
With young children, it is never too early to talk about different kinds of families. In the "families and children" workshop, we saw excerpts from "That's a Family", an excellent video that gives a frank and uncomplicated view of different family configurations, including GLBT families. It's geared towards young children and could be used in any setting.
It's also never too early to be open to questions. It's not necessary to wait until children are old enough to understand the full complexity of the issues to start introducing bits and pieces of age-appropriate discussion. In particular, it's important to answer questions that come up, not to defer them until it's time to give a full explanation
"Normalizing" GLBT folks and their families is important with children. Just being in an environment with a large variety of family configurations helps a lot. But when talking about different types of families, it's important to talk about differences between types, not differences from what's "normal".
With youth, it's crucial to create an explicitly "safe space" where it's clear that discussion on any topic is welcome and all views are respected. There are "Safe Zone" stickers and signs that can be used to indicate this. On the other hand, there is a balance between creating such a safe space and hitting teens over the head about it and scaring them off the subject completely.
It's extremely important to be open to possible signals that a young person wants to talk about issues of sexual identity and their own struggles with it. It's very difficult for a teen to work up the courage to bring this up with an adult, and their attempt to start the conversation might not be too obvious. If the adult doesn't pick up on the signal, the young person might be discouraged and be even less inclined to try again. However, not talking about these things, especially when the young person is struggling with their own feelings and their faith, can be very damaging.
Youth in many churches, even in More Light churches, aren't really getting the message of inclusiveness or of what More Light means. The "normal" channels of putting out this kind of message (during worship, literature in the back of the sanctuary, church newsletter or bulletin) are often not places that youth look for information. So churches need to be more creative in getting the message to youth in particular. Sunday School teachers can help, though, by being open and offering a safe climate, as described above.
The Unitarian-Universalist "Coming of Age" curriculum was referenced as an excellent resource. It's important to understand that, whether we (or they) know it or not, GLBT youth are already in our youth groups and Sunday School classes. Knowing that should affect everything we do and say with our youth.
More Light and other affirming churches need to be much more vocal and explicit about their support of GLBT folks and families. It is not enough just to "be" affirming and open; we must be LOUD about it. Folks who need our support will not trust that we are really supportive until they hear it through a variety of channels – in worship, from the pulpit, in publications, in our mission work, etc. As mentioned before, it's especially important to make sure youth are getting this message.
Although it's important to be "loud" about our openness and supportiveness, we need to do as well as talk. Pastoral care is an important area where it can be made clear that GLBT people and families are God's children. Baptism, confirmation, church membership, parental support, illness care, etc., are all things that, when practiced inclusively, give a very strong message about the nature of the church. Things like inclusive (in terms of sexual identity) language send a signal as well.
As most denominations are becoming more "congregation focused" (as opposed to being oriented toward their national denominations), the attitudes and actions of the local church carry much more weight than at the national level.
Many, many hands went into making this very successful event possible. Many hours were put in by members of the planning committee: Carolyn Seaman, Wayne Sherwood, Matt Kaiser, Susan Schilperoort, Jenna Gallup, Jeanne MacKenzie, and Judy Reul. Bill Hassler and Chip Rood helped out a great deal the day of the event with setup and welcoming attendees. Tiffany Montavon and Alphonso Williams offered their services as well. Thanks also go to the Open Doors chapter of More Light Presbyterians in our Presbytery for co-sponsoring the event. Support was also given by Ralph Carter of the More Light Presbyterians video lending library, and Jim Williams of Source. And, of course, many thanks to the good people of Takoma Park Presbyterian Church for being the kind of place where this can happen. A year ago, we renewed our commitment to our More Light statement through our ReVisioning goals. We made it a priority to put new energy and creativity into supporting and advocating for GLBT folks and issues. This event grew out of that goal, so once again this congregation is putting its words into action. Thank you.
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